January Issue
Viktorie Voriskova
January
The Christmas Break. Although a long-awaited time for many, it is rarely the happy, calm and peaceful time that we wish for it to be. Despite being able to hit pause on academia and work, kicking back with a cold glass of eggnog and luxurious Christmas candy, many people experience stress and anxiety during this time. Oftentimes, the capitalistic whirlwind is what goes hand in hand with Christmas—making sure that you are giving a present to everyone who is giving one to you, ensuring that the gifts are nicely packed and ready to be exchanged at an appropriate time.
However, for better or worse, our families also create stressful and anxiety-filled atmospheres that embody the opposite of what the ideal Christmas spirit represents. Be it contrasting political opinions, intrusive questions about personal life, unhelpful comments on how much one is eating, or just the overall stress of having so many people in one room.
As a child of divorce, I have what some might call the luck—and others the horror—of getting to celebrate Christmas twice. Although I do not consider any of my relatives my lethal foe and have a working relationship with all of them, sometimes (too often) I find myself in interactions that make me question the sanity of both of us and have me searching for same-day flights to anywhere else on earth.
During this time of the year, the internet is always full of unsolicited advice on surviving the holidays with our families without harming either them or ourselves. As someone who enjoys a good “tip from a therapist” video on Instagram, my for-you page is always full of posts like this. Although I sometimes find the advice too vague or unfitting to my situation, I almost always watch it. So this year—purely to entertain myself and without any real hope for getting along better with my relatives—I decided to implement, besides my real-therapist-approved tricks, some of the advice that the gurus on Instagram had revealed to me.
“To engage or not to engage?”
That is the question. A classic, and one of my family’s favorite conversation starters, is the “Oh, but have you heard?!” These arguments are usually kicked off by a relatively innocent “They want to increase taxes!” which then turns into “They are stealing our jobs!” and which can spiral as far as “There are chips in vaccines!” Most of the time I have just answered with: “Sure, Grandma, I am too convinced that the government has a deep desire to know what we talk about at Christmas dinner.” Not that telling her this has ever stopped her from conspiring further. I tried. Multiple times.
Personally, these interactions have always been painfully irritating because it is obvious to me that these fears and anxieties are the result of populist and extremist propaganda they have encountered and naively trusted. For someone who has always tried to check my sources and stay as objective as possible, this has always been hard to deal with. For years, I used to argue, trying to show them that they were being manipulated and free them from their fabricated illusions.
Unsurprisingly, this has never worked. It only made them resent me or laugh at me. This year, I tried out the Instagram advice: “Don’t engage, don’t reply, change the topic.” Although at first this was very difficult and frustrating since I felt that it was my responsibility to try to help them see things as they were, once I embraced this strategy, I felt better. At the end of the day, if they were open to hearing me out and changing their opinion, they would have done so many Christmases ago. Me trying to argue with them made no difference. Even though it was frustrating, it felt freeing. 9/10.
“Your body, your choice”
Food is one of the core elements of any holiday for my family, deeply rooted in all our celebrations. Therefore, unsurprisingly, it—specifically the amount which we consume—is a common topic around this time of the year. “Are you sure you really want to eat another piece?” is repeated like a broken record.
For many years, these types of questions sent me into a spiral. But, yet again, Instagram therapists rushed in with advice on how to deal with this. Besides applying the previous advice of not engaging, “I will honour my cravings” and “I will respect my hunger cues” became my daily mantras. Even though I was not capable of fully enjoying my Christmas candy after someone commented on me eating it, I mostly managed not to spiral or have my day ruined. To be completely unaffected by these comments, I would need to practice setting my boundaries for longer, but I was pleasantly surprised nonetheless. 8.5/10 (+0.5 if you eat the candy while keeping intense eye contact with the relative who asked the question—that did actually make me feel pretty great).
“Fighting the crazy opinion with an even crazier opinion”
As I already mentioned, some of my relatives are, unfortunately, easily manipulated by populist and extremist politicians, making my Christmas full of radical opinions. Arguing with them is pointless, as well as trying to debate with facts and reason. Therefore, although not a therapist but a comedian, Dan Donohue shared the advice “If they say something crazy, say something even crazier” on Instagram a couple of days before the holidays. As already made clear in earlier parts of this article, I am not above teasing (i.e. making fun of) my relatives, and so I did try this advice out a couple of times. Mostly, I was successful in ending the discussion, which felt quite gratifying. However, once or twice, I just spurred my relatives on, which was quite horrifying. Nevertheless, it was quite entertaining and effective. 7/10.
The long-awaited happiness, calmness and peace
At the end of the day, I love my family, and I was happy to get to spend Christmas with them, although, like most of us, I did not enjoy every single minute of our time together. Despite everything, I did manage to relax this Christmas, watch all my favourite fairytales and savor all my favorite traditional foods. My ability to set my boundaries and not be affected by the emotions and opinions of others is still developing, occasionally leading to frustration and upset during the holidays. Nevertheless, some of these tips did make a difference when the conversations got too heated or when I felt too overwhelmed. Although I do not know how I feel about having to thank a social media platform for making my holiday break more survivable, the tips I gathered there did make a difference; I am obliged to give credit where it is due. Thank you, Instagram Gurus.
Photo credits: Creative Commons