End of the Year Issue
Nil Celik
October 5, 2025
How does watching strangers fall in love on national television reflect the most complicated parts of our emotional lives – dating? The transition from heartful romcoms to dating shows such as Love Island, Love is Blind or Too Hot to Handle perhaps indicate romance has died. Yet, for others, it could show that the idea of “romance” has shifted from a sacred concept to a performance which lacks sincerity. “Romance” now could be designed to entertain rather than inspire. Most of the time, reality dating shows reduce love to a competition where shocking twists and viral moments are preferred over genuine connections. This shift continues to reshape how we view romance by framing intimacy as a competition in which there is a winner and a loser. Such reality shows normalize performative relationships, quick judgement and constant surveillance as typical parts of modern dating culture. Love is seen as transactional and subject to public approval instead of being a genuine connection.
Romantic comedies used to dominate pop culture and they offered a very specific, ideal view of love. Movies like “When Harry Met Sally”, “Notting Hill” or “10 Things I Hate About You” made us feel like romance was magical, sometimes messy, but always worth it in the end. The characters were awkward, funny and flawed, but the message was the same. Love had the power to transform them for the better. These stories usually ended with a big romantic gesture such as a kiss, a reunion, or a heartfelt confession, reminding us to keep believing in happy endings. Love, according to these movies, was meant to inspire us.
Reality dating shows changed that idea completely. Instead of two people slowly figuring each other out, we now watch entire casts of strangers thrown into intense situations where they have to couple up, compete and entertain. Whether it’s “The Bachelor” handing out roses, or “Love Island” forcing contestants to “re-couple” every week, or “Too Hot to Handle” penalizing contestants for kissing, these shows turn romance into a game. There’s always a prize. From proposals, to money, to followers, always ending with someone who “wins” and someone who goes home heartbroken. These actions make love feel less like a natural connection and more like a challenge you can either pass or fail.
Of course, reality dating shows thrive on drama. Shocking twists, betrayals and viral arguments are what keep people watching. The editing is designed to create cliffhangers and amplify conflict, so that we can’t wait to see what happens next. Genuine connection often takes a backseat to the wildest moments. Contestants know that being dramatic gets more screen time, and more screen time means more fame after the show. Viewers, meanwhile, get used to seeing love as something that’s big, loud and full of drama which can make real-life dating feel boring by comparison.
Another huge part of these shows is surveillance. On “Love Island”, cameras are everywhere, even in the bedrooms and nothing stays private. Every kiss, every argument, every tear is filmed and shown to millions of viewers. Contestants aren’t just thinking about who they like – they’re thinking about how they look on camera and what the audience will think of them. Romance becomes something to manage carefully, like a brand. That also changes how we, as viewers, think about dating. It trains us to see relationships as something public, something that needs constant outside validation which changes this genuine connection from being about two people to a whole community.
It also makes love feel transactional. On “The Bachelor”, contestants compete for one person’s attention, hoping to get a rose and stay another week. On “Too Hot to Handle”, the contestants literally lose money if they kiss or get too close physically. Love becomes part of the strategy, not just a feeling, but a move in the game. When you think about it, this isn’t that different from dating apps, where swipes and matches turn romance into a numbers game. Reality shows just take that idea to the extreme and put it on display for everyone to watch.
Some might say this is just being honest about what dating is really like. In the end, when we go on a first date, we put on a performance – we dress up, we choose our words carefully, we try to make a good impression. But these shows make that performance the main event. The actual impressive work of getting to know someone, including the funny awkward silences, the boring parts, the little private moments, they all get cut out and what we are left with is a performance full of tweaks and adaptation. So that might make us forget that real relationships are built in those ordinary moments, not just the dramatic ones.
These shows also shape what we think is “normal” in dating. They often reinforce old-fashioned ideas about who gets to choose and who gets chosen, or what kinds of people are seen as desirable. Even when they include more diverse casting or same-sex couples, the basic idea stays the same, which is that love is a contest and someone has to win. That message sticks with us and can make real-life dating feel like a competition too. This can lead to us always having to prove ourselves worthy of being picked.
And yet, people keep watching. I’m guilty as well, it wouldn’t be a lie if I told you that I spend hours in front of the TV rooting for my favorite couple. There’s something addictive about seeing love play out in real time, even if it’s messy and over-the-top. Maybe it’s because we see a bit of ourselves in the contestants such as their jealousy, their insecurities, their excitement. We tend to root for the people who mirror ourselves or the people who we aspire to be. These shows might be exaggerated, but they still capture something true about how vulnerable dating makes us feel. They let us root for happy endings and feel the thrill of drama without having to live through it ourselves.
However, we have to ask what these shows are teaching us about love. If we start to think that love should always be dramatic, public and exciting, we might miss out on the more genuine side of romance such as the part that isn’t made for TV which is usually cut or tweaked. The most meaningful moments in a relationship are the ones no one else sees. However, that wouldn’t make for good television, since people like to see drama, not a wholesome reaction.
Watching strangers fall in love on national television tells us a lot about where we are as a culture. It shows that romance hasn’t disappeared, but its shape has changed. It has become something we watch, something we judge and something that has to entertain us. Reality dating shows are fun, but they also make us see love as a competition, a performance and a public event. Whether that’s good or bad depends on how much we let it shape the way we approach our own relationships. What’s evident is that these shows have changed the way we think about romance and maybe even the way we experience it.