
Melissa Çevikel
January
Musical.ly archives, “6 years ago today” Snapchat memories and recollections of my adolescence by family members at reunions…looking back at times when I wasn't fully self-aware and conscious causes a sharp pain in my chest. This is also largely because I am not able to fully remember what I did and didn’t do, leaving me with the burden of having to fill the gaps with my now much more developed frontal lobe and creativity.
This creativity inherently leads to the phenomenon of cringing, which, in its most literal sense, means to “shrink in fear or servility” or “to draw in or contract one's muscles involuntarily (as from cold or pain).” There exists a third definition, however, which combines both the physical jerk element and the emotional aspect of the phenomenon: “so embarrassing, awkward, etc. as to cause one to cringe”. Though there clearly is a universal understanding of what cringing means, the phenomenon is not manifested in the same way for everyone. Not only do the things that trigger this sensation change based on our interpretations of events—and, more broadly, the world— but our reactions to it may also differ, ranging from slight discomfort to mental breakdowns.
As I was thinking about the concept of cringing in general, I came to realize that I had stopped cringing, or at least having such a strong reaction to things that seemed embarrassing for me or any party involved. After asking around, most people who I talked to—though it must be noted that all of them were my peers—related to my realization and similarly noted that they had embraced most “cringe-worthy” things they or those around them engaged in. I wondered: had this change occurred simultaneously with our shift in interpretations of the world around us? Our interpretations of the world, for the sake of this article at least, can be identified based on age and the environments we socialize in, including social media.
Age being a defining factor in this was the first thing that came to mind. With age comes maturity, with which comes acceptance. “And it makes no difference whether they (young people) are young in years or immature in character. The defect is not a question of time. It is because their life and its various aims are guided by feeling, for to such persons their knowledge is of no use any more than it is to persons of defective self-restraint” is a quote from Aristotle's “The Nicomachean Ethics.” The key idea here is that when you are young and lack maturity, your actions are guided by feelings. Though this is not a scientifically backed argument, the fact that many things are taken much closer to the heart than they should have been when younger can’t be denied. As we grow older, we gather different experiences and meet different people, which presents us with different pathways we can take and may even potentially inspire us. This builds confidence, mainly to pursue the things we enjoy regardless of whether we get judged for it or not. Without these experiences, it's difficult for us to accept criticism, since we’re not sure whether they are or aren’t worthy of being taken into consideration. As a result, most judgments received when younger are taken literally and hurt our self-esteem.

With the coming of age comes individualization and a desire to break away from conformity. As rationality develops, it becomes more comprehensible that there is no need to be ashamed of or cringe at things either you or someone around you partakes in. This, in turn, eliminates the desire to conform to societal norms. I asked some people (who wished to remain anonymous) about their interests which they thought were cringy and were ashamed of partaking in before coming to terms with them, focusing on what changed their minds.
Interviewee No.1, a long-time K-pop stan, said that even though initially people made fun of it when they found out she enjoyed the music, the pleasure and enjoyment it brought her was greater than any of the criticism she had endured. Interviewee No.2, who enjoyed watching anime and reading fan fiction—both of which she was teased for—told me that she simply gradually realized the value of storytelling they held. She said that they even pushed her to study animation at university. Others told me about how they felt insecure about certain clothing and make-up items they owned since the brands they owned had come to be labeled as cringy. They told me that they did not let this stop them from using them because, after all, they had paid for them and someone’s opinion was not a valid reason to waste their money.
The people I interviewed were around the age of 20 and were all university students. When I was at the end of my senior year of high school, I had doubts about whether I would be able to find a group of friends with whom my interests aligned. Almost every university student I talked to comforted me saying that university was a very diverse environment where it was impossible not to meet people who think alike. While this turned out to be true, there was a huge difference compared to high school. As they mature, people not only start being more accepting towards themselves and those around them but also create spaces where they can share and enjoy these. These create environments where these ideas are socialized and inherently accepted by a wider community who don’t necessarily partake in these interests.
In contrast, high school students don’t feel as free to share their interests mostly since these kinds of spaces aren’t available. To compare the number of things people in earlier years of high school found to be cringeworthy to people in their early 20s, I interviewed a high school junior about the things she thought to be cringy. She presented me with a long list of things that included Victoria’s Secret pajama sets, cussing, fake smiling, smiling too much, young boys and girls, people filming TikTok vlogs, people who think of themselves as nice, old people acting young, etc. This was overwhelmingly long compared to what I had heard from older interviewees. It wouldn’t be right to say that maturity is what causes university students to be more accepting than high school students and vice versa because one summer isn’t that long of a period to allow students to undergo such great change. However, being surrounded by new people and tasks does leave much less space for judgment since new worries take up that space. This might be why people eventually reduce the strength of emotions they associate with second-hand embarrassment and cringing.

Another factor, however, in why today's young adults cringe less compared to high school students can be tied to the pandemic. The quarantine was a time when social media flourished—not necessarily for the best—and everyone was suddenly very involved with sharing their interests online and trying new things. As people began to share their interests, the already existing, yet not crowded, online communities began to grow, with people who would’ve been too ashamed to partake in these interests in real life joining them. This created safe spaces—similar to those I mentioned that occurred in universities—hence why this generation of young adults was able to experience such acceptance much earlier.
Lastly, it's important to think about where the line between judgment and cringing is drawn. While cringing at something is a very human response, what it triggers in turn must be reconsidered. There lies a very thin line between borderline bullying and expressing how you find something cringe, and that negativity is quite unnecessary in our day-to-day lives. As we transition into newer phases and slowly mature, we gradually come to realize that nothing truly is that deep, and that this passage prepares us for adulthood. Unfortunately, adulthood is full of tasks and errands, leaving us with little to no time to critically analyze others’ actions enough to cringe at them. Maybe in 50 years me and cringing will meet again at sunset as I watch my grandchildren film music videos for random rap songs…but for now we have parted our ways as I’ve grown up.